blogface

2005-09-01T04:28:00.000-04:00

bodybuilders

they look like normal people with their heads poking out of heavily lubricated costumes.

2005-08-31T23:56:00.000-04:00

someone explain to me nick at nite's latest dramatic change in programming and also, relatedly, the demographic of "Roseanne" viewers.

2005-07-27T04:13:00.000-04:00

apparently it's abnormal to express boredom these days and i'm going along with that and it's working out OK.

for the sake of avoiding philosophical inquiry, let's just say that i believe time exists for some lame empirical reasons but the way we contain time does not make complete sense. but we are not getting into this, we are ignoring this, and we are accepting that it "is" 4:00 in the morning and that my clock's telling me this bears significance on my life's events. (sidenote: i'm not really writing or thinking you know, i simply cannot sleep.)

anything you do consistently once on a certain day of the week provides a helpful context of how quickly or slowly time is passing. this may be less applicable to busy people, who have no concern or thought for time outside of its relevance to schedule. busy people are likely completely unaware of (unconcerned with) how time passes between events and agendas, which is sometimes at a seemingly much faster or slower rate, largely dependent on many factors. they simply don't have time even for that. time is understood best--at least superficially, by those who have only one weekly monday meeting, one favorite tuesday TV show, piano lesson wednesdays. something to that effect.

as for me and now, i would not consider myself busy, or at least i don't like to think i'm busy because that term somehow implies productivity or enjoyment. and a temporary cubicle job is neither. i might be better off saying i've been "occupied" lately but i cannot use that term self-descriptively as it often brings to mind the sliding notifications on port-a-potties.

2005-05-19T21:49:00.000-04:00

the semester has ended. i am in need of a decent job and summertime responsibility. but before obligation is montreal, beginning tomorrow and lasting seven days. last time i went away for a brief period, my extremely thoughtful friends were concerned ("i thought you were dead") given my absence on AIM. this time, i hope not to trouble anyone.

i'm not sure what type of person will be able to appreciate this--unhygienic hippies, perhaps--but i have been able to avoid doing my laundry for the entire semester. let's pretend it has everything to do with environmental reasons and nothing to do with my dorm room's fourth floor location.

one benefit of living on the top floor was that i did not experience the noises of people shuffling about above me. last week during finals, i decided to transform my room's walk-in closet into a sort of office by moving a desk into it at around 4 am. i am sincerely sorry if i woke anyone up as a result of this but i forgot to bring lamps to school and was dependent on my roommate's. after she moved out, i realized i could not read words on paper, and took the unused desk into the closet, where the lighting was much better but still insufficient.

being a recluse is a totally good time.

2005-03-25T16:09:00.000-05:00

HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY (or: TGIGF, or: GOD IS DEAD)
a few things.

-my french textbook, explaining indefinite articles, offers the example "Le devise des anarchistes est: 'Ni Dieu ni maitre.'"
-my ideal chex mix would contain corn chex cereal, pretzels, and rye bagel chips.
-because people keep putting themselves in terri schiavo's shoes, they are essentially making personal statements about euthanasia and related death/life support issues. i have to wonder if these kind of casual statements will later be used as the same sort of claims the schiavo husband uses in court: that at one point, although the statement was undocumented, the person mentioned (s)he would want to die or live in that situation.

2005-03-17T17:18:00.000-05:00

guys, i asked Marilyn a long time ago, why won't she write back:

Dear Marilyn,

So yesterday over dinner (quesadillas) I was reading the latest Maoist International Movement publication. They, as well as several other revolutionaries, have a tendency to alter the spelling of words in a manner which they most likely consider clever--changing "American" to "AmeriKKKan", for example (see page 7), implying certain Americans are racist. They also love to replace any "s" in any word related to the United States with a U.S. dollar sign. Sometimes similar publications and authors like to spell "women" as "womyn" to show that females are not just an attachment to males. There are countless examples because I think they love to smash the system by smashing traditional English grammar. While I agree with some of their causes, I think this whole misspelling business is kind of lame. Does this make me less revolutionary?

Sincerely,
Grammar Comrade

2005-03-06T14:06:00.000-05:00

the title of this entry is: i have nothing poignant to say, NOTHING AT ALL.

639 songs (2.87 GB, 1.8 days worth, thank you Itunes for the most useless of specific information) on my computer and "Work It" by Missy Elliot is one of my top played songs. i'm pretty sure she is speaking English for only about half of the song. missy, i know you read my blog and i know you want to hang out and discuss post-feminism.

i am so anti-rough draft.

my mother must want me to get fat eating these. and i'm really not one to go against my parents' wishes. which reminds me that "filial piety" is a weird thing to say aloud.

2005-02-27T22:42:00.000-05:00

i am putting things off and decided to start one of those awful amazon wishlists. i have a feeling it is going to expand easily and i will be ashamed when it does.

anyhow, look how 1990's two of the five items make me look: a book on stereograms and an mp3 player?

yeah, i just recently learned how to see magic eyes and the day i finally "got it" was probably one of the higher points of my life. i once developed an unshared conspiracy theory about the people who could see magic eyes, figuring it was all bullshit and they were all just pretending to see 3d things. so i guess either i disproved my theory or i joined their cultish side (where they have, like, cocktail parties for the sole purpose of laughing at the fools who actually still believe staring at a piece of paper with strange designs will give you some sort of new perspective and maybe at the parties play a silent film on a large screen featuring frustrated non-cult members trying to see something they never will see because it doesn't exist, and they toss their heads back and laugh laugh laugh some more), depending on how you see it.

and yeah, i still carry around a CD player. i have huge pockets in my winter coat so my sony walkman actually fits into my pocket quite well. i can't afford an ipod. AND i like my sony walkman, i don't need an mp3 player, what am i thinking.

2005-02-05T01:53:00.000-05:00

yes yes y'all.

i am at school. it is pleasant here. as a new student, i have had to attend a countless number of orientation events. i guess they have helped me orient myself but more importantly, they have helped me realize my profound distaste for "icebreaker" activities.

it seems as though there are chunks of my life in which i don't have especially vivid dreams, assuming that vivid dreams=remembering them. in other words, i will go for several months without recalling any (or very few) dreams i've had during the night. in high school, around the time of mid-terms and finals, when i must have actually studied a lot for select classes, i would have extremely intense, memorable dreams nightly for about a week. once exams were over, i would go back to not recalling my dreams as often. now that i am back in school and studying each day, i am having really out of control dreams again. SO. obviously i think there is some sort of correlation between the amount and type of information a human brain absorbs throughout the day and the dreams which that human experiences at night. the activation-synthesis theory of dreams is all about telling me the content of my dreams doesn't mean shit but measurement of my brain activity while dreaming does. i would really like to know if there is a more relevant theory supporting the idea that what you learn during the day (or don't learn) has a great impact on your sleeping unconsciousness. trying to find information about this online is hopeless--there are too many lame new age websites with animated stars and moons dancing around to sift through? scholars, please provide with me some insight.

umm. snapple apple juice drink is not traditional apple juice at all. it is green apple jolly rancher in liquid form. and it is startling.

2005-01-14T15:35:00.000-05:00

two days ago at work i found that a customer, a chatty man who likes to tell me about certain troubling aspects of his life, including his son's coke addiction and his ex-wife's psychotic tendencies, had left me a book called I, Fatty. he is my favorite customer because he is one of the very few who is not rude and one of the very few who is literate. he had forewarned me prior to lending me the book that he got a little worked up while reading it and apologized for making so many notes in the margins. i really didn't see why he would apologize for such a thing.

the book, a half-true memoir about vaudeville and early film star Fatty Arbuckle, while not exactly well-written, was interesting enough. i finished the book today, more eager to complete it not because of a gripping plot but because of the man's peculiar notes. he started off underlining sentences and words, making some seemingly worthwhile analyses of the characters at the beginning of the novel. but then his comments grew stranger. looky here (in order of appearance in novel):

apparently contracting gonorrhea is a classic example of boys being boys.

sadface! naturally!

getting a bit more vulgar (using sharpie for emphasis?)

as you can see, he was getting upset with some of Fatty's acquaintances.

he, in fact, had to stop reading because the injustices were too much? there were no more notes following this one so i've been wondering if he even found it within himself to finish the book.

2005-01-07T13:55:00.000-05:00

oh, oh. support this. (but maybe turn your speakers down when doing so)

2005-01-07T13:17:00.000-05:00

here is my mini update. when i think UPDATE, i immediately think of the word's relation to the internet. i love the transient nature of websites but admit i have gotten a little sick of them lately. spending countless hours online refreshing websites sort of makes me want to pick up some trusted (in that its text will not be altered significantly) 18th century literary classic and keep my head balanced. sort of.

one of my main concerns is not that i am going to have trouble adjusting to the operating system on my new ibook or that there will be some incompatibilites but rather that i am going to spill coffee on the white machine--it seems inevitable. i also just got a down comforter and as you may know, they are immaculately white, as well. suddenly computing in bed while drinking (now a number one hobby of mine) is a dangerous activity.

let's share mp3s.

2004-12-01T13:41:00.000-05:00

google says: "Tip: Save time by hitting the return key instead of clicking on 'search.'"

you save a millisecond of your life by just reaching over to the return key instead of lifting your hand a far distance from keyboard to mouse to click. i guess if you google a lot, the milliseconds add up. good thing i utilize the enter key?!?!

2004-12-01T12:40:00.000-05:00

i am being serious when i say i want to go see the nutcracker for the oversized, twirling rats (and the music).

2004-12-01T12:33:00.000-05:00

at some unimportant point in my life a few months ago, i gave in and got a cell phone for convenience or whatever other reasons you people love them. because none of the ringtones are obnoxious enough, i often set my phone to vibrate and lately i will feel a sudden what i think to be vibration from the phone but realize the phone is no where near me and oh wait, that is just my stomach growling. or oh, wait, that is my leg, it has fallen asleep. get me away from technology--this doesn't seem healthy.

i have also mastered txt messaging to some extent. if you're up for a challenge, i would love to have a txt message race?

2004-11-04T13:47:00.000-05:00

i am not going to comment on the current state of affairs until there is something specific to complain about that i have not yet had the chance to complain about. you have heard everything, i know. i will say, however, i cannot stop rereading this one sentence. (old news)

Diebold CEO Walden O'Dell, a GOP fundraiser, promised to deliver Ohio to Bush.

that he did! in fact, we the people delivered the U.S. to Bush. again! god bless the 51% of you.

i am drinking contaminated water here at work because that is what we sell. (killer coke)

at work we also have various gumball brands, flavors, colors, sizes: they all taste the same after about five minutes of chewing. i need to stop chewing them, they are rotting my teeth away.

2004-10-27T14:30:00.000-04:00

MY INTERNET IS BROKEN AT HOME, YEAH, IT'S KIND OF CONTRIBUTING TO A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH FOR YOURS TRULY.

just yesterday my father told me i need to take a computer break, i told him it was a done deal if he took a break from television-watching. it is lame irony; since my computer has been misbehaving, my dad is still watching terrible shows, the only difference is now i am watching them alongside him.

lo and behold the latest quasi-anorexia:
i know it is getting cliche to criticize the trendy atkins diet but my main feeling toward it is confusion. i kind of don't care what other people eat but i do not understand companies' misspelling of "low" as "lo" on some of the new products. when and why did they decide to drop the w? i also simply do not "get" low-carb bread.

if eminem's latest video doesn't make you want to oust our President, i don't know what will. i have always had a soft spot in my heart for the marshall mathers--not only is he a civic-minded genius but a brilliant lyricist. allow me to quote my favorite eminem song:

Bitch I'ma kill you! You don't wanna fuck with me
Girls neither - you ain't nuttin but a slut to me
Bitch I'ma kill you! You ain't got the balls to beef
We ain't gon' never stop beefin I don't squash the beef

if you go through and insert each usage of "bitch" with "bush" in the chorus, we have a song pushing for true political reform, kids.

2004-10-21T22:33:00.000-04:00

viva la revolucion.

2004-10-20T17:46:00.000-04:00

i sort of just want to sit around and watch reenactment of the Lincoln-Douglas debates.

commercials for the season premiere of "west wing" reminded me that there is something about films and TV series centered around fictional U.S. presidents which bothers me. it is a different story if the featured President is a depiction or satire of an actual one but it just really throws me off otherwise--movies that come to mind are "Air Force One" and "My Date With the President's Daughter." there are obviously several others. i think knowing that it is historically inaccurate or just basically unbelievable that someone like Harrison Ford is President (although who knows, Schwarzenneger is a Governor) doesn't let me watch the film or program in a way that is normal.

2004-10-20T17:06:00.000-04:00

every so often i will refer to AIM logs to disprove a statement, to find an image i no longer have saved on my computer, or to find incriminating textual evidence. it always amazes me how many results come up when i search for a term that i otherwise would think i don't even use. why does searching "pikachu" come up with twelve matches? how can viagra be relevant to 15 conversations i have had on AIM within the past few months? is this an indirect way of desperately letting you know i'll talk to you about everything and anything? yes.

michael j. and teresa are BF4L.

2004-10-14T11:20:00.000-04:00

i am embarrassed of the fact that i have given my computer monitor "the finger" when the computer was malfunctioning.

according to PC magazine (don't ask), 62% of Gen Y (ages 18-27) internet users also use instant messaging. compare that to 25% of mature (ages 59-68) internet users who IM. with this and other statistics about today's youth in mind, i can't wait to see what the future has in store for our generation. like, really.

it just dawned on me today that when i went for that scholarship interview several months ago the interviewers rather bluntly asked me about my political views. of course, we had been talking about how i would like to continue political involvement in college but it just doesn't seem right that one of them asked "do you plan to help with any of the campaigns in the upcoming election?". to avoid answering the question directly (props to bush for teaching me how to circumvent), to avoid pitting a few of them against me, i told them something along the lines of wanting to help people get more involved in the general electoral process. and then i said something about the ACLU and all of my carefully crafted bipartisan-sounding sentences meant nothing.

and with that, uh, could you register to vote? you have until the 22nd. please realize that your registration form may be destroyed but don't let it discourage you. :-/

2004-10-11T05:01:00.000-04:00

i want a karaoke skeleton to lull me to sleep.

when i type it isn't giving me a cursor, it looks like ghostwriter.

so this is like the digital age, right. it is strange to think that, what with a great majority of humans having some capability of videotaping and documenting others' behavior (HOME MOVIES) that these most likely will be readily available in the future after the people who have been taped are dead. i mean, i know it's been like this for a while, but now videocameras (digital cameras with filming capabilities mostly) are so ubiquitous that is it going to be all that significant to have these people, their essence, on tape long after their death(s)? will people just start throwing videos of their loved ones away after they die to help the mourning process along? if so, what was the point of making the videos in the first place? same goes for their availability on the internet--obviously it is easy to upload and download videos online, which many have done with these home movie-esque recordings. but the only way to preserve these home movies is to have the internet around forever (indeterminate future) and can we really depend on that to take care of the closest thing humans have towards being near somebody who isn't really there? (save virtual reality, of course, but we'll see what happens with that anyway)

connecticuters: am i the only one who hasn't heard of this awesome palindrome town OXOBOXO? what is this!

2004-10-07T13:02:00.000-04:00

my brother is so 12--he pounces on the phone after one ring.

this morning i was driving and didn't really see this one squirrel enough to slow down; if you are thinking this story ends violently, it doesn't, i have never hit an animal while operating a vehicle.* and of course don't want to, especially not a raccoon, i love raccoons. anyway, it was pretty close to being under my wheel and it scurried so quickly to the other side like they always manage to. i wondered if these squirrels experience as intense an adrenaline rush as humans do just before they are about to be hit by an automobile. please keep in mind that they do.

ok ok. i take a computer class and i've been doing these crossword puzzles.

*concerned vegans and anarchists alike: if i was to hit and kill an animal in some unfortunate accident, i would of course salvage and send the meat to roadkill veg(A)ns.

2004-10-06T02:11:00.000-04:00

well it's root root root for the home team

i am at that point of the evening/morning where i am full of fatigue but my mind and stomach are too unsettled to allow unconsciousness just yet.

it gets dark so early now and when i am at work from 11 am to 7 pm, sitting on a chair surrounded by windows, i quite literally watch the day pass before my eyes. so i guess this change was gradual. if you know me at all, you know i have a (probably annoying?) tendency to carp over cold weather but right now it certainly feels good to breathe crisp air outside. STILL, WHERE IS MY WINTER COAT?

these trading cards are far superior to magic and yu gi oh! cards. please print them out and distribute at your local middle school.

elitist indieart alert: i have a ton of polaroid film to use if you have any properly ridiculous ideas. i promise i will scan.

2004-10-04T17:49:00.000-04:00

wtf item of the day

before you think that is a hip fashion ad, please try and understand what they're selling.

Tous les modeles sont disponibles en toutes les couleurs de peaux humaines black, asian, pink white, metisor.

or for those of you who hate the french for political reasons: All the models are available in all the colors of human skins--black, asian, pink white, hybrid.

i want the vest but in black and asian hybrid, s'il vous plait.

2004-10-01T22:37:00.000-04:00

the parking spaces at wal*mart are huge because everyone there drives an SUV.

i spent part of my day watching the national scrabble championship on ESPN (flipping between that and "mystic pizza", actually, omg.julia.roberts.please.tame.your.hair). the two competitors had interesting backgrounds; david gibson is an older math professor who calculated each move ever so carefully and made many facial expressions conveying a growing frustration with the game. david, dave, davie bears a resemblance to the guy that plays harding in "one flew over the cuckoo's nest." same demeanor too, i swear. trey wright, his opponent, is a yuppie who plays concert piano for a living. trey is kind of awesome, most notably because he tried to play the word LEZ in an earlier game despite the fact that the scrabble officials put the term on their list of obscene and forbidden words:

During the third game, Trey played the expurgated word LEZ—short for "lesbian"—either forgetting that it was on the list or forgetting about the list altogether. The play was the obvious one; David didn't even raise an eyebrow and was aout to make his next play when the tournament directors halted the match. They called an emergency meeting of the Advisory Committee and Rules Committee, and a 10-minute delay ensued.

...

Though Trey had violated a rule—albeit a bad one—he was allowed, in effect, a do-over; he removed LEZ from the board and played a different word.

if i was in trey's situation, of course, i would have flipped over the board in justifiable anger, sending lettered tiles all over the place.

the more i sleep, the more listless i get. what is going on people.

2004-09-30T00:14:00.000-04:00

i think my fondness for virtual tours comes from a lack of long-distance travel experience in my life. and it's nice having no association with offensive tourists while i look around.

recent online SITEseeing (shameful pun):

tokyo

oxford

i'm so sorry

it seems like september never even happened and others agree. this is me being sentimental ten minutes after a new month has begun.

2004-09-29T18:16:00.000-04:00

addendum--i retract my earlier statement, i completely forgot a third categorization for beatles songs which do not quite fit into the others: "songs that would sound a lot better on drugs." god, "within you without you" is so bad.

2004-09-29T15:49:00.000-04:00

the game i am playing by myself today at work is to determine whether the beatles songs they play on the classic rock station i listen to all day long are either uplifting or somber. because when you think about it, they must have always been intending one or the other. the only rule is to try and listen objectively without allowing a(n) (un)pleasant mood to affect your analyses.

across the universe=uplifting
hey jude=somber
yesterday=somber (duh)
i am the walrus=uplifting??

work is on a main road and so the other awful game i play is to guess which emergency vehicle is coming down the street by the tone/frequency of the siren. SOLITARY AUDITORY GAMES ARE UNDERESTIMATED.

richard simmons 4 life.

2004-09-28T18:56:00.000-04:00

for clarification purposes

a touch of summer, a touch of autumn, a touch of cancer:
i now work at a tanning salon as a receptionist which involves cashiering, inputting names into a computer, wiping down the beds after they have accumulated some sort of residual human oil, answering phone (touch of summer how can i help you) and using dial up internet. the irony of my employment has been noted several times as we know i am the ghostliest of you all. i am taken aback nearly every day when customers ask me for personal recommendations concerning these overpriced bronzers and accelerators (tanning jargon, see LOTION). i told an older man who occasionally comes in drunk to purchase a bronzer from the *drama queen* line and he was more than happy to. these customers=cream of the crop.

if you're wondering why i am not in school, inundating myself with academia and essays, i don't have an answer except that my school is making important life decisions for me. in this case they decided i should take a semester off before jumping into the generally much-awaited COLLEGE LIFE. they told me this makes me exceptional. they told me this opens up opportunities. they told me this cuts the year's tuition in half. what it all translates to is me having three months to essentially fuck around so go ahead and suggest something.

in other news, why do i want this so much

2004-09-28T10:54:00.000-04:00

every day that i fail to write something aside from responses in instant message tabs and brief e-mails, i feel as though 1/2 of my literacy is slipping away. so i offer to you, as an explanation, that this is less for you and more for preservation of some parts of my brain.

i'm sorry i'm not going to be a full-on livejournaler but i am an independent woman, so to say. except not really, so blogger, throw your hands up at me?

2003-07-19T12:58:00.000-04:00

my father's name is thomas and this call awoke me.

"Is uh...Tom there?"
"This is she."
"This is Tom?"
"No, this is uhTom."

2003-07-01T00:49:00.000-04:00

being pale and i was only outside for a brief period but there is inflammation of the skin on my left shoulder.
i will tell you underneath the top-most layer of the sun-burn infected epidermis is a very pink skin tone that is now visible. but you know what these radiation-filled burns look like so there is no need for further description. and i have spent the last ten minutes with a pair of gold tweezers pulling off the top layer. i don't care if you think it's disgusting because it's really just skin, you supercilious prick. even though it certainly would remind one of a shedding snake.

and i do receive an unforeseen satisfaction from the process. when you are doing this and you pull up a larger layer, it provides a sense of accomplishment. it's like, today, when i was working at the waterford country school to benefit the residing insubordinate kids, demolishing this one room, and i would pull down a large piece of the sheetrock wall instead of several small ones. for a moment, i feel proficient.
or look, if you're peeling the label off of something and it comes off in one, clean motion of the hand.

summer is stale.

2003-06-10T22:49:00.000-04:00

she doesn't pay for her gasoline, feeling violated:

the other evening, some friends and i went to see another awful movie at the
inexpensive nearby cinema. upon driving off the bridge onto the central town
road, we noticed some blinking america red, white and blue police cars and a sign
reading "buckle up." enforcement. i quickly put on the seatbelt i always forget to
wear--i don't like tight things strapped across my torso.

there were about ten police in addition to other various emotionless government
types standing around, waiting to inquire the driver and the passengers. they kept
asking us if we were drinking and we told them we were going to the movies and we were
going to be late, god dammit.

after the movie, we drove through the flashing lights brigade, being questioned once again.
we decided to keep driving through this. they kept asking the same questions. we turned
on rap music with the bass and everything. and honked. one of the times going through, we told
them we had been at a party. breathalyzers were then administered.

terrible idiot cops, i think we drove through three or four times through before they recognized the
car and stopped interrogating us.

2003-05-22T18:18:00.000-04:00

verging on personal here

i went to the envirothon in tolland today, amusing, circling
tired answers..i was astounded that afterwards at home a
two hour nap got rid of a headache, now i feel great.

tomorrow i am going to the metropolitan museum of art
and i haven't been there in a long time but i remember
last time i went, a street vendor outside the museum
coerced me into buying one of those grain of rice in a
glass jewelry, so i got my name autumn placed in a sad-
looking blue dog to wear a necklace. it's ugly. but those
grains of rice don't amaze me any longer so you don't need
to tell me not to purchase one this time.

and then on saturday we are going to the social affair. it's going
to be funny, so funny i might even laugh.

oh, yesterday, i took a short slumber at around 5:00 and woke up at
7:00, thinking it was today, this morning. departure for the field
trip today was 6:45, so thinking i was late..in a half asleep
state of disorientation, asked my mother to bring me to the
school. she had no idea why my field trip would be at night,
but she wasn't aware i thought it was morning so when i
finally found out it was evening i, slightly abashed, ran out to
the car where my mother was waiting and informed her of
my mistake. i wasn't on drugs when this happened but i'm
sure my parents think i was. sorry, stupid anecdote, stupid me.

i am acting as a witness in court, on behalf of serena
pleading innocent concerning her speeding ticket of
$239 on the highway.

2003-05-08T22:37:00.000-04:00

studying for the AP examination in this period of 24 hours was much like a splendid, little cocaine undertaking--a brief venture that helped me forget i have an appetite, isolated me and probably got me nowhere, nonetheless made me feel much more comfortable.

i'm not wasting my life.

2003-05-06T21:59:00.000-04:00

i won a chameleon in fifth grade, it's hard to tell if it's alive and well in that cage, being that these chameleons camouflage themselves and so anyway i took it out today to check and yes, it was fine, and look, i even made it change to the perfect shade of green, i was reminded of why children aspire to become veterinarians.

2003-04-26T10:14:00.000-04:00

yesterday was arbor day so plant a tree if you want to keep breathing.

2003-04-14T12:56:00.000-04:00

all the time, in fact just yesterday, people have been telling me to have this large, blue, extinct car removed from my driveway that used to be my grandfather's before he died or stopped driving. my father drove this piece of shit for a while posthumously. it eventually had been left to sit in the lowermost part of my driveway until yesterday, when apparently my father and a young fellow employee of his drove it somewhere, probably the co-worker's house.
and then my mom just told me he has plans of repairing this car and driving it. if i see this ridiculous vehicle being driven by some kid down the street, i will laugh. if you see it, honk.

2003-04-05T12:09:00.000-05:00

oh. do you eat in front of your computer daily, as i do?
i dare you, right now, tip your computer keyboard upside down and watch the crumbs accumulate on your desk.

2003-04-05T12:08:00.000-05:00

i guess my mother hasn't gone grocery shopping in a while.
today i was searching for a milk or cream product to put in my coffee and found only its veganesque substitute, which is soymilk. i poured some in my cup, forgetting the awful things it does to my taste buds and forgetting this incident that occured:
coming home from school the other day, i found a chocolate dessert sitting on the counter. vanilla frosting, surely homemade.
i ate some of this cake she made and instantaneously realized a difference from the cakes i normally eat. i almost gagged--thank you, mom, but i am up to your lactose-free tricks.

2003-03-30T00:44:00.000-05:00

advertisements for this intended male masturbational product include catchy slogans like the following:
"Fresh new faces fornicating for fun! Lots of home video type films and new starlets on the rise. See new girls and guys that you've never seen on film before!"
look at that alliteration.

2003-03-10T23:39:00.000-05:00

someone else, please, tell me jim beckwourth resembles snoop dogg.

2003-02-27T20:09:00.000-05:00

i love internet explorer because it saves the web-addresses you visit and search items you type in google, great for future laziness, and by storing them, it enables me to look at the sites you've erstwhile visited to see how disgusting and pathetic you really are.

2003-02-25T15:47:00.000-05:00

last night i watched a sitcom for an hour and decided i would never watch television by myself ever again. every time the commercials come on, i come to the dismal realization that television-watching is the most commiserable, drab "activity". and today in my math class, the teacher took a poll (for mathematical purposes of finding the quartile range). students revealed that they watched up to 40 hours of TV a week, with the class median being 30.
oh, and the guidance counselor really did place me in a stupid math class this semester--i sit next to this autistic kid who enjoys reading tom clancy novels, eating his own flesh, and tying his shoes incredibly tight.

2003-02-04T22:31:00.000-05:00

yesterday this bird was in my parents' room sitting on a straw hat for nearly four hours. i guess it fell through the chimney.

2002-12-29T01:17:00.000-05:00

if i don't write in this, i must not think about anything.

today at work, some people stole groceries. this couple--a man and woman i would say are in their twenties, bought two bags of organic chips and two containers of hummus. they were looking suspicious, these criminals, just because their purchase was health food--products no one else buys. i swept their credit card in the credit card machine and gave it back to the woman. when the machine told me their card was "invalid", i turned around to tell them. but they were already running out the door. they knew it was invalid! they tricked me! a co-worker and i tried to chase them but i guess they were long gone. i am anticipating a return from them because i think what they did was really great.